just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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