When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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