ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
