having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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