you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
