shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
