Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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