Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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