I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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