Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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