You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
