my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
party gras won. party gras always wins.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
