she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
