She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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