I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
