So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
