GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
