i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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