Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
