ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
