she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
