just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need water and some morals
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
