We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Panties = found
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
