we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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