BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
