there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
