he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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