idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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