dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
