found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize