We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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