I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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