i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
