Kiss
Puke
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
