and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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