Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
