she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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