everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
