I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
