chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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