Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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