I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
