Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
