life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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