The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
