she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
