it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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