hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
