I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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