I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
