when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
