In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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