Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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