Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
