It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
