I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize