I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
