if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
