chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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