I want to make a zoo with you.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
