I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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