porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize