Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
