I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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