I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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