My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
