i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
