Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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