Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
