Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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