Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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