I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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