and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i don't like sucking hair
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
