I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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