she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
