I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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