franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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