my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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