Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
