so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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