Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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