I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
