halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
