There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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