the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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