he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
