i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
