New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize