wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
