Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
should my penis look like a turkey
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
