apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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