NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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