We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
