It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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