So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
