How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
